As a student of Social Anthropology many aeons ago, I remember learning that you can’t escape the cultural framework from which you come.
Even when we rebel against an idea, a set of beliefs, or an identity, we are still thinking within that framework. We are just turning it upside down, or the other way around, or whatever it is. Our thinking is necessarily limited by the language we have for it.
And it’s been brought to my attention recently that I have been rebelling against an aspect of myself as if that weren’t also always present – even when I resist it.
I started this blog for many reasons. Most of them I stated at the time. But the one I’ve never talked about is my need to be something other than a Mother. To create a space for myself where I was something else. A creative, a writer, a healer on her own healing journey. But not a mother. Not here, anyway.
I have felt consumed by motherhood, overwhelmed by it. When I began this blog, I felt lost within the all-consuming nature of the role and worn thin by its relentlessness. I needed to come up for air.
But one of the most surprising things about motherhood has been the way that it keeps showing me more of myself. That actually, more than anything else I have ever done, or been, it is allowing me to discover more of me.
I no longer have time for bullshit from others – it has helped me find my strength.
It has challenged me in ways I couldn’t previously have imagined – it has helped me find my courage.
It has helped me to discover my creative voice on a totally new level – speaking only from the heart and the sheer desire to create – I have no time, or energy, for anything else.
It has forced me to confront my demons in ways that I probably would never have done otherwise.
It has taught me to love in a way I worried was impossible before it happened.
And I wouldn’t be writing this blog if it weren’t for motherhood.
Because whatever I do now – a bit like the cultural rebel – I can’t but do it within my new framework of being.
What is “air” to a new mother then? How may we come “up” for it?
Perhaps it is simply the space to voice our needs and our thoughts. To be heard, seen, nurtured, and thought about as we birth ourselves into this role – as old as the stars and as new as our babies.
Although, like the stars, we are too often taken for granted.
And like the stars, too, the busyness and intense glare of contemporary life may have somewhat dulled our sheen.
But we do glow nonetheless.
And we require air in order to do so.
New mum, old soul... Finding beauty, wisdom, spirituality, and opportunities for learning in the everyday (hopefully)...