So I’ve started seeing a psychiatrist. Who also happens to be a yogic priest. And, as you do, we ended up talking about subtle energies and transcendence.
She explained that she wasn’t actually able to write the details of our conversation down on her NHS diagnosis/referral form – because then they’d think she was the one in need of treatment – but at least we both knew we were on the same page.
She agrees with my somatic therapist – you can’t transcend anything until you’ve looked at what you are leaving behind. You can’t just bypass stuff. I have to learn to feel the things I never felt.
And so she advises me don’t be afraid of being uncomfortable.
I have been very afraid of being uncomfortable. Who isn’t.
But my psychiatrist/priest explained to me that we often choose grief in this life as a path to spiritual growth. As if grief holds the key to transcendence. And she believes that we are here to transcend – to go beyond the physical and the “human”.
And I have been thinking about this ever since.
And I think now of kintsugi – the Japanese art of mending pottery. Instead of camouflaging the repair, the broken pieces are brought together with a lacquer resin mixed with powdered gold so that the break becomes a visible and very beautiful part of the object’s history – part of what makes it unique.
And I think of how grief tears us apart like those broken bowls and of how we know we will never be the same after it – there will always be a before and an after.
And I think of the hole that grief leaves in us and in our lives. The sense of brokenness. And I think of how most of us will know grief in some way, at some point.
And then I think again of Japanese pottery, and I think that the gold, in human terms, is Love. And that the pottery transcends itself as it morphs into something that is at once itself, but also totally new.
And so perhaps, I wonder if we, too, must break apart, in order to make space for a love we wouldn’t otherwise have known we needed and might otherwise not even have known existed.
New mum, old soul... Finding beauty, wisdom, spirituality, and opportunities for learning in the everyday (hopefully)...