“Of all the needs (there are none imaginary) a lonely child has, the one that must be satisfied, if there is going to be hope and a hope of wholeness, is the unshaking need for an unshakable God.”
…So writes Maya Angelou in her autobiography, I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings.
And it was funny reading these words recently (I have come to Maya Angelou a little late, but also at just the right time for me) because I had recently been shown that I needed to start a regular prayer practice.
Initially confused by this revelation, I then realised – exactly as Maya Angelou writes – that prayer – or God – was exactly what my own inner child was missing. (And if Maya Angelou agrees with me, then I must be right.)
What I do know is that, as a little girl, I used to speak to “God” all the time. God was my safety, my comfort, my hope, a companion in the darkness of loneliness and anxiety.
As a “grown-up”, I learnt to leave God behind. And yet the part of me that is “Little Me” never lost her need for her God.
In trying to heal myself, I have thought I discovered God in so many places – in healing itself and what became my addiction to it. In people and my addiction to them. Even pain became my signpost to God. Ever-elusive albeit.
But what I am discovering now – slowly – and it’s still early days – is love – the unconditional kind. It’s an acceptance of me – bit by bit. In looking for God, I have started to re-discover myself.
And so it’s not just that God isn’t quite what I thought God was, but also that I am not quite what I thought I was.
New mum, old soul... Finding beauty, wisdom, spirituality, and opportunities for learning in the everyday (hopefully)...