We took my phone to be repaired this afternoon.
I was sure there was something wrong with it – my new iPhone – as apparently no one could hear me on the other end. Turns out there’s nothing wrong with my phone. But there was something wrong with my husband’s phone. And my friend says there’s something wrong with her phone. And the other, third, person X may well be in need of a hearing aid.
And this, I have decided, is a metaphor for my life. I keep thinking there’s something wrong with me. Because I’ve not been heard, seen, or understood. Because things have been too challenging. I’ve blamed myself. I’ve tried to fix my problem. But maybe there isn’t one.
To be fair, I’ve also been immensely inspired by a friend this morning. A friend who is just discovering mindfulness. And I’m finally in a place to accept that this is my path too. I’ve tried it on for size so many times before – but maybe now I’m ready. And so I’ve gone about today accepting my pain (I’m still not my best) and all the challenges – accepting that this is actually a part of life. That even while society tries to sell me “perfection” and “pure happiness” (and social media might easily convince me that this is actually possible) it isn’t. And fibro is simply my portion of pain. We all have our things.
This acceptance has allowed me to have the best day I’ve had in a long, long time. I’ve been happy and even when I’ve not been happy I’ve been ok with that too… and got happy again. Because there’s nothing more painful than feeling like pain shouldn’t be there – fighting it. It’s worse than the pain itself. It’s fighting life.
So now I know – there’s nothing wrong with me – I’m simply alive and pain is a part of that. I’m going beyond the duality – the good and the bad.
Like my phone, I’m just riding the static. It’s a part of the conversation with and in a world that is both more and less than its own construct “perfect”.
New mum, old soul... Finding beauty, wisdom, spirituality, and opportunities for learning in the everyday (hopefully)...