Brave

sad face - brave

Struggling to find the words to express what happened today… Feels like I may have, for now at least, lost an old friend. Someone with whom I have been very close, until a chasm opened up between us as I became a mother.

Sometimes, I think, one has to lose friends in order to to grow a friendship with oneself… Some friendships are mutually exclusive in the end.

I was looking for wisdom, beauty and healing today, and I don’t know that this is any of those things. But this is a part of motherhood as I’m experiencing it. Prioritising me, because the whole fort falls apart if I don’t. And because my daughter needs me. And I need me.

I’m trying desperately to find beauty in this sadness. Maybe it’s in self-love… I close one door to open another. Bittersweet. I’m struggling to embrace the bitterness in life, still.

But as my healer and current mentor says, that’s why we’re here – to embrace all the experiences and feelings. That’s what being human is. (My words, his thoughts.)

It’s not always beautiful. I know that. It’s full of compromise and choices we don’t want to have to make.

But, it seems to me – when I push myself – that maybe being human – whether, or not, we believe it’s a choice (and I do believe I chose it) is a terribly brave thing to be. To choose this life is terribly brave.

So there’s the beauty.

strangeoldlife

Sarah Nabarro View All →

New mum, old soul... Finding beauty, wisdom, spirituality, and opportunities for learning in the everyday (hopefully)...

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